Dear Suicide Note ,
Hi ,I feel empthy againd ... as every single night that I spend here , I moved with my boyfriend a month ago to his parent´s house , we came running from my family and trying to making our dreams come true , but since we get here we seemd to be spliting up more ofthen . The only time when Im happy is when we have sex , the rest of the time its like we are dead ...empthy . Empthyness it´s worst than gulty , pain ,or evry other feeling , It´s so dessesperant that you do evry kind of stuffs just to feel something , I fight with my boyfriend just to feel anger , I cant´t fall asleep because I feel so anxeous , so irritated ,
I imagine my self dead every time , having the same fucking feeling of nothing , I can´t kill my self I guess hope is what stops me or fear , fear it´s what push me aniway , fear of being like this the rest of my life having short happyness and then .... waithing to die... I actually have some kind of romance for death, when I was young I used to dream with a guy that makes me feel warm , calm , I thaught I had that with my bf but... probably I thought he was some way he´s not . The thing that conect us is that we were two lonely peoople in the world that no one could get to us , or understand us ... now he´s acting like the rest of the world ... now he don´t understand me , he say I push him away but he has changed so much ...
Maybe life is showing me that I had no reason to leave no more , or maybe if I keep looking I might find someone like me someone who understands how fucket up the world is and how deep are my feelings to find love and the thing is...that I thpught I had find it ... When Im going to stop feeling an alien ? Maybe death is the aswer -maybe destiny keeps me someting better or maybe I´ll be like this the rest of my life .
Hope somehow someone understands me , and sorry but Im not taling to teenagers wich are angry with their moms and cut their veins I mean some trully empthynes , my resisting my self to burn my hand with the cigarrette it hurs .. but utleast you feel something ...
Love
The Left Bones
